| gimme a sundown of your runday |
[Feb. 20th, 2007|06:12 pm] |
The frozen flat white expanse of the lake enclosed in a tall cage of empty trees and above, directly above, a sky the same deep deep blue as the ocean.
Towards the horizon the sky grew lighter and lighter, turning blue-white as it reached toward the snowy ground.
As I was trying to look up past the sun the conversation around the fishing hole turned towards sex.
"I was stupid that time," says roundfaced Dan (aged 24, with pimples and jowls and carving funny faces out of golfballs), "You know how they say when you go out in the rain you need a raincoat? I didn't wear a raincoat."
The white of the sky and the snow glints off of his glasses.
I tried to sleep with my eyes open.
It was dark enough and all I could see was the
gray-and-white collage of the snow and the bare tree trunks.
I was still on the slushing icewater
hearing the tumble-crunch and trying to make out the harsh sil·hou·ettes
Eyes stinging in the dark as if coated with fine ash
Just the frozen white lake and white sun
the gray trees and hard blue sky
The fish were just peeking up beneath the cold
I got up somehow and crept through the dozing cabin. I lit a stick from the woodpile and went out through the front door into the freezing air.
I used the glowing stick to light my cig and I trudged over to the great stone slab with the spigot in the side.
I stared into the void. The mountain lying prone like some huge dead beast. Pitch Black.
The sound of the river that was actually the sound of the rushing emptiness . Not a lucid soul for miles and miles.
The cabin sat at the edge of the wilderness.
On the left side there was a clear snowbank and some powerlines and then a steep decline into the valley.
Beyond that, nothing but miles of bare trees, coyotes howling in the dark on up the mountainside. |
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| There is command |
[Jan. 13th, 2007|01:16 am] |
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how may I help you? would you like to taste some wine? perhaps i can help you with the new inner tube? |
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| The Haul |
[Dec. 25th, 2006|12:13 pm] |
1. full body under armour (black)
2. really sweet new watch
3. leather wallet
4. iPod
5. another Wii controller
6. various sweaters
7. Hogan's Heroes (the complete 4th season)
8. The Histories of Middle Earth Volumes 1-5 by J.R.R. Tolkien
9. War and Rememberance by Herman Wouk
10. Bill clip with gothic B engraved on it
11. Sotcking full of various edible goodies
12. New Kicks (Vans)
yes now off to entertain the grammaw |
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| spaceship on the highway |
[Dec. 9th, 2006|02:57 pm] |
I feel like i've slept forever. I had alll kinds of vivid dreams about fish and cannons and french print and empty houses and magic. Mostly I thought about outer space and all the vast, vast portions of time and space that existed before and will exist long, long after. The universe is unfathomably huge and ancient and moving in its own violently inorganic way. Compared to the mammoth, chaotic infinity humans are just instantaneous piles of some obscure element called carbon. We are breif order in a remote corner of something beyond ordering. We are a single grain of sand in a typhoon. We are utterly alone in the fastness of space.
And yet, we are still the masters of our lives.
Life is very intriguing nowadays |
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| referendum |
[Oct. 29th, 2006|06:54 pm] |
There's a wolf standing guard at the back door.
He makes sure no one gets out.
Let's hope the screen and tin will protect you.
He swallows his bites whole.
There are doors and clothes to protect you.
You hear him growling through the walls.
Soon you will starve to death.
He can wait you out.
You could try to dash for the car
You know he can cut you off.
You could try to kill him face to face.
The Wolf's wild face.
Fear drives you to extremes of thought and life.
His fangs and claws and eyes are all so sharp.
Why has this wolf come to trap you?
We all must eat to live.
You take a chance and make a break for it.
He is a huge dark shape growing in your eye.
He grabs your flesh in vicelike jaws.
His teeth are white and ancient crescent moons.
The wolf at the back door has you by the throat.
You gaze in horror into his eyes.
His eyes promise everything you ever feared.
He is eating everything you ever knew.
Nearly everything went wrong this week. The workload and stress were terrible. On Friday all my hopes of having a decent weekend were dashed. I missed play rehersal inadvertently, then at work I got so fed up that I left early. On the way home I jumped in a pile of leaves by the road and lay there, buried, until my fingers grew numb from the cold. That might be why I was sick the rest of the weekend.
Now back to math |
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| weekend |
[Oct. 15th, 2006|12:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Venetian Snares - Cobra Commander | ] |
Drunkeness, drunkeness, drunkeness...
Friday and Saturday were kinda just the same chain of music, beer, lechery and smoke. Went to see LSD March on Friday and took Zach the Feinberg with us. Tub-Z was there with huge-ass oriental fans.
Drake was destroyed. On the train platform three twenty-something guys came up next to us. They all had the same short hair, blue jeans and sweat-stained orange shirts. I mean they were drenched in sweat and talking loudy; these were high-quality assholes. Anyway Drake, in his dopey smiling way, asks them, "where did all the flowers go?" The one guy gets really pissed and starts arguing with and even threatening Drake. The other two asshole guys calm him down some, but later when Drake offers his hand to shake the guy threatens him further. If I had been slightly more or less sober I would've smashed their fucking faces.
Anyway, Saturday I went to harvest fest, where I lolled about with Camara & company. I kept trying to figure out If I was going to crash lex's later on. Zach and Gabe and I walked to Katie's, where we all proceeded to lose our minds. Zach became terribly sick. Some jerks showed up but we scared 'em off. I had tons a fun, een though I would've liked to have hung out with mitch and that crew. Oh well. Ryan took Zach and I home.
My dreams last night were very much house-related. I kept dreaming I was in and around this wacky multi-level house that was built into a sheer mossy cliff. The house had a long winding driveway lined with lawnchairs. Somehow the house was also a hospital.
OK, now it's time to go do something active/constructive. See y'all later |
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| Agender |
[Oct. 9th, 2006|10:03 pm] |
Top umpteen list of things to do (in no particular or academic order):
1. Finish that damn Take-Home Test; seriously, I feel like an old hermit locked in his study doing endless amounts of math
2. Actually memorize all my lines for the play
3. Buy lots upon lots of drugs for this weekend
3a. Have/attend a giant party at some point soon
4. Start writing/planning the storyboard for film festivus idea
5. Start writing Inner Edge articulos
6. Pokemon
7. Buy colored pencils
8. More....money?
9. Pokemon
10. Figure out how the hell to use the TI -89
11. New coat/shoes
12. Read some more
13. Beautiful
In other news, the concert last night was pazmetric. Ask me later for a full report.
This past weekend I hiked the Appalachian Trail (all), which was pretty bitchin'.
Today I was outrageously hyperactive for some unfathomable reason, but i'm burned out right now.
Time for more MATH and CHEM! |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 22nd, 2006|08:47 pm] |
My thanks to Gabe Adels for this
So how about that School? It's starting to kick mah ass. It's been a rather long week.
But now it's the weekend! Maybe I'll see some of you, that is if I don't lose myself in and endless and and fantastic CALCULUS tunnel.
See ya on the reverse.
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| disorientation |
[Sep. 4th, 2006|05:33 pm] |
What? What the hell? Where am I? How did I get here?
The last thing I remember was being at some concert complainig about the damp weather and suffering from a headcold. And now I find myself sitting at my computer in my PJs, hair tousled, eyes bloodshot, with a few days worth of bristle on my chin. It's stopped being rainy and started being pleasant outside.
But the really striking thing is that all my summer work is somehow suddenly done, and Steve Irwin is somehow suddenly dead...
WHAT KIND OF TIME-WARP IS THIS?!?!?
see ya at school |
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| Seriously folks... |
[Sep. 3rd, 2006|03:05 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | weary as fuck | ] |
Man, I am soo damn worn out. Between the near constant concert going and school work, I feel absolutely beat.
I probably look it too, since this black eye of mine hasn't gone away yet. Also I can't remember when I last shaved. My sinuses have been mimicking the damp weather, often exploding in sneezing fits...or as my grandmother would call them, "sneezures".
She happens to be in the living room watching baseball at the moment.
On the plus side, I did see some way cool shows. Yesterday I went thrifting with three other musketeers and got some way cool stuff.
So now that there are no more distractions I have to do the following by tuesday:
- 3 pages worth of Grass Dancer journal
- Finish the IDs for APUSH
- Finish the essays for AP Comparative
- Write the Story of American Freedom essay and outline
- Read Justice Breyer's American Liberty: Interpreting our Democratic Constitution. Write a 5-7 page essay on it.
- Do the prompts for AP Gov
- Start memorizing lines for the play
When I finish this stuff I'ma sleep for 27 hours
Watch me go!
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| Philos |
[Aug. 27th, 2006|09:25 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | dissappointed | ] |
Recently I've been hearing way too many of my esteemed friends talk lamentably about how pointless life is, or how much they hate other people (no matter how much they secretly crave company). So here's my response, unasked for, so i'll try not to make it a sermon. But i'm gonna preach pretty much what I practice, or what i'd like to practice despite my imperfections.
Some folks have given me pretty convincing arguments for why humanity, and their own lives in particular, are utterly pointless, and therefore should be ended. Whatever your specific reasons for drawing these conclusions may be, this is the general hypothesis i'm responding to.
I'll answer the issue of personal significance first.
I matter to me. I wake up in the morning in my own body, trying to remember my own dreams. I go to the mirror and tell my reflection that there is no one who has ever existed or will ever exist again that has this reflection. I tell myself in every daily task and motion that I am living this day for ME, and MY interests. I need no higher purpose, when i feel the texture of each moment as it slips past. The laws of science tell me that MY BRAIN is the center of the observable universe. I feel the water on my body, i see the sun shine. These moments are real. These moments are mine.
And you may call it a lie and you may call it brief. But each day is filled with a countless profusion of possibilities. I would rather reach out and grab a new one each day, than die and lie in the Nothing.
I make my own purposes, which are consumed in the furnaces of life and rise anew like phoenixes.
My purpose: I struggle and strive every single day see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower,
I constantly seek to Hold infinity in the palm of my hand
And eternity in an hour
As for humanity as a whole.
I take the highest possible pleasure in the knowledge that I am Human. Humanity is sprawling and stinking. Humans are greedy and selfish and malicious and stupid and ugly and thoughtful and bold and frightened and clever and deformed and alone and choked and starving and bloated and romantic. I love humans because I am all of those things. I seek to experience all of those things, everything any human has ever experienced, as much as i can. Why? I don't know, I guess I just want as much knowledge as i can get, as much experience. I want to draw my own path across the crowed canvas of humanity and i want my line to be thick and colorful and full of twists and turns, intersecting as many lines as possible. Everyone has their own truth, their own story, I want mine to be long and colorful and poignant and ugly and stupid and selfish and dirty and asymmetrical and beautiful and all those other Human things. If you hate other people, if you avoid them and isolate yourself from them, all you're doing is shutting out an opportunity to grow. A stunted growth is no life for me.
Humanity is pointless like a song is pointless, like a poem, like the stars, like a petal, like a dream, like a kiss, like a baby. There may be good and there may be evil, but there's also everything in-between. Would you throw away all of existence because you don't like the cards you were dealt? I'd rather play.
Sorry if you found this preachy and boring and self-interested, it's part of being imperfect. The trick is to deal with your imperfection, instead of hiding from yourself and your reflection.
Good night folks. |
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| Breakfast Surreal |
[Aug. 13th, 2006|03:36 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bored | ] |
Self-serving under
plaster of trepidatious
morning
whirling toward a brave
new signature of common
bond like a meridian
working-class sorcerer,
sourcing scores
of sculpted sand dune
spires inspired
by the desperate ascetic
wind of the claymore
Mining for golden
coal in the bowels
of the white
swollen underbelly
Bellied-up to the table
the man of tablets
smashes down his soup
and screams for more
SILENCE!
he’ll get his bowl
filled next and last
with breakfast
cereal |
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| All.ham.bra. |
[Aug. 12th, 2006|01:07 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bored | ] |
Ok, here's the past few days, in tender whitemeat nugget form:
All this week I''ve been working and hanging out with Joe and Zach. It feels like the good ol' days again in some ways. BUT, I got poison ivy all over me earlier this week and it SUCKS and its still not completely gone.
Last night Joe and I went down to pointless fest and ate a tasty korean meal. Then we realized that pointless fest was just a poor excuse for an army of identically dressed punks to show everyone how non-corformist they are. So we left and got back to Joe's gameboard cabinet and that's where things got kinda fuzzy...At somepoint we met up with like a dozen persons at DPo's house where I'm pretty sure I acted like a royal nincompoop. Everybody started trickling out of DPo's place so we went to Talia's. Sometime around midnight I went home and watched South Park with my dad and brother, as bizzare as that sounds.
Today I get my hairs cut!
Adios |
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| shoisg |
[Aug. 12th, 2006|12:34 am] |
wow i feel like a jerk
everybody please disregard, it's the poison ivy.... |
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| SUNUVA - - !!! |
[Aug. 8th, 2006|05:07 pm] |
You Fates are some tricky bastards... |
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| All right |
[Jul. 31st, 2006|07:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bedraggled | ] |
It's weekend wrap-up time!
Saturday night was fucking bizzare. Travis, Raina, Bruce, Noah Burd (breifly) and I traipsed around the entire damn town in a ruthlessly sober pursuit of absolutely nothing exciting. Bruce ranted and threatened the entire evening, and Travis wouldn't shut up about this guy I almost got in a fight with as we were walking. We somehow ended up at Laura's house with JMal...I think belly-dancing was involved. The high-point was when I had to walk back to Glenside with Travis to pick up my bike at like 1 A.M. and we ran into Michelle, Andy, Trev, and Drew. I ate donuts with them until 3, then I rode my bike home.
Yesterday I visited my aunt and uncle and their adorable 4-year-old son. We ate delicious chicken and swam under the stars.
The forecast for tomorrow is a day off from work!! Let's fucking hang out whoever you are!!! |
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| Arrivals |
[Jul. 24th, 2006|12:26 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | wistful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Tamberine Man | ] |
Today was utterly disorienting, mostly becuase of the shock from returning from camp to the lazy flow of summertime back here in championham. Although I did also have to deal with the fact that virtually all of my neighborhood friends are away.
It was quite nice to see Katie back from Frace with her delightful Helen (pronounced in some wacky Gallic way). And also I got to see Sophie whcih is one of my favorite things to do at any time of the year.
This evening I got into a big political argument with my dad, which made me a bit upset. Then Sarah called quite unexpectedly to announce that she was home for the night and would meet me in the park. We sat on the swings and she talked extensively about her camp and about politics. She said she was still at camp mentally and didn't want to be here. She gave me a ride home just like she has so many times before. I was disappointed.
We are living in the future |
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